Christian testimonies | It’s Not Easy Being an Honest Person

Picture of The Church of Almighty God | It’s Not Easy Being an Honest Person

By Zixin, Hubei Province

After accepting Almighty God’s end-time work, through reading God’s words and listening to sermons, I came to understand the importance of pursuing being an honest person in one’s belief, and that only by becoming an honest person can someone gain God’s salvation. Thus I began practicing to be an honest person in real life. After a period of time, I found that I gained some entry into this. For example: While praying or conversing with someone, I would be able to speak the truth and from the heart; I could also take fulfilling my duty seriously, and when I revealed corruption I could open myself up to other people. Because of this, I thought being an honest person was quite easy to practice, and not at all as difficult as it was made out to be by God’s words: “Many would rather be condemned to hell than speak and act honestly” (“Three Admonitions” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). It was not until later that I was able to appreciate through several experiences that it really is not easy for us, corrupt human beings, to be honest people. God’s words really are absolutely true and completely unexaggerated.

When I was compiling a document one day, I found that a sister from the church was better than me at compiling documents. I then thought: “I must handle the documents she compiles strictly, in case the leaders see that she is better than me and they promote her, putting my own position at risk.” After this thought surfaced, I felt accused by my conscience. After examining and dissecting this I recognized that it was a manifestation of struggling for fame and gain and being jealous of true talent, so I prayed to God and forsook myself immediately. In a gathering, I had originally wanted to openly declare my corruption, but then I thought: “If I share fellowship on my own evil intentions, how would the sister I was partnered with and my host family sister see me? Would they say my heart is too malicious and my nature is too wicked? Forget it, I’d better not say it. It was just a thought, and it’s not like I had really done that anyway.” And just like that, I merely casually mentioned how I was very nervous that I would be replaced when I saw someone else compile documents well—I hid away my true dark side. After that the sense of blame in my heart magnified. I hence vowed before God that this would only happen once, and that the next time I would definitely put being an honest person into practice.

A few days later while chatting with my partner and my host family sister, I heard the host family sister talk about how great two sisters who used to live at her house were (I also knew them), but she never said a word about how good I was. I felt very unhappy. In order to make her think highly of me, I then listed the flaws of those two sisters one by one to show her that they were not as good as me. After saying this, I realized that what I had said was inappropriate, and that my intent and purpose was to put others down to raise myself up. But I was too embarrassed to open up, so I said to the host family sister: “When I heard you praise those two sisters, I felt you have quite a few idols in your heart, so I had to damage their image so you will no longer look up to them.” As soon as the words had left my mouth, the sister I was partnered with said: “This depends on whether you had any ulterior motives. If so, that’s really sinister. If not, then it can only be said to have been a revelation of corruption.” Hearing her say this, I became terribly afraid that they would develop a bad impression of me, so I quickly tried explaining myself: “I didn’t have any ulterior motives. It’s just that I didn’t communicate it the right way….” After this specious reasoning, I became extremely upset and felt particularly accused internally when I prayed: “You are too cunning. You speak in roundabout ways, make up lies, and cover up the truth, always hiding and tucking away your evil intentions and arrogant ambitions. Isn’t this deceiving God?” Even so, I, so hardened, still did not repent and only begged for God to forgive me. But God’s disposition tolerates no offense, and God’s discipline would soon descend upon me.

The next day, I suddenly got a high fever, and every joint in my body ached. I initially thought I had caught a cold overnight and that I would get better if I just took some medicine. But who knew—taking medicine was no help, and two days later I couldn’t even get out of bed. What’s more, my tongue swelled up and became harder, and my throat also swelled in pain, hurting so much that I couldn’t even speak. Swallowing was hard enough on its own, let alone eating. In the face of this sudden illness, I grew afraid, and prayed to God in my heart over and over. At that moment, a clear realization suddenly came up inside me: “Who made you lie? If you lie you must be disciplined. This way you won’t commit any sins with your tongue.” Only then did I realize that God’s discipline had befallen me. I quickly apologized to God in my heart: “Oh God, I know I was wrong. Please forgive me. This time I will definitely open up.” After praying, I noticed the pain in my throat had gotten noticeably better. However, when my partner and the host family sister came to ask me why I had suddenly fallen ill, I initially wanted to spill out the whole truth, but then thought: “Once I open up, many of the things I said before will be contradicted. Will they say I’m too cunning? How are we going to get along after that?” Once that occurred to me I no longer had the courage to divulge the truth, and just casually said I had fallen ill because I was homesick. When they left, the discomfort was like a sharp knife in my heart. I never thought my deceitfulness could have become so casual and involuntary. I lay in bed, feeling tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing, as though I was about to die. I was afraid I was about to suffocate, so I dragged myself to open the door to allow the air to circulate. Unexpectedly, as soon as I got to the door, I felt the world spin. It grew dark before my eyes as my legs felt weak and my entire body broke out in a cold sweat. Then, I leaned against the door frame. At this moment, a line of God’s words flashed in my heart: “How could I allow people to cheat Me that way?” (“Your Character Is So Lowly!” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). In the face of God’s majestic and wrathful words, I felt His rage toward me, and my heart could not help but tremble in fear. God’s disposition cannot be offended, and God has great dignity, but for the sake of protecting my own reputation, status, and vanity, I betrayed my vows time after time, brazenly trying to deceive God. Wasn’t I tempting His wrath? How could God allow me to treat Him like this? When this occurred to me, my breathing became laborious and I kept saying to God in my heart: “Oh God, I truly realize my error! This time I will definitely open up, I will definitely open up.” Under God’s chastening and discipline, I finally had no choice but to divulge the entire story to my sisters.

It was only through this experience that I deeply understood God’s words that “Many would rather be condemned to hell than speak and act honestly” are indeed true. After being corrupted by Satan, lying, cheating, and engaging in trickery became human nature and became deeply entrenched in mankind’s hearts. On top of that, people really treasure reputation, status, and all sorts of benefits; those who are constrained by these things find it very difficult to speak honestly. So for people, being an honest person is harder than climbing up to the sky. I used to think that being an honest person was easy. That was because what I opened up about were just inconsequential corruptions I revealed that everyone frequently shared in fellowship. They had nothing to do with the deepest things in my soul, so no one would look down on me for talking about those things. That kind of practice was under the precondition that they were superficial actions and would not touch upon my personal interests. If it impacted my vital interests, my prospects and destination, my status and my face, then my nature would reveal itself and I could no longer maintain my disguise. With the truth before me, I began to deeply appreciate that it really is not easy being an honest person. Especially for someone like me who considers reputation and status to be so important, if I don’t put aside all considerations of face, if I don’t have God’s chastisement, judgment, reproach, and discipline, I will be absolutely incapable of the reality of the truth of being an honest person in practice. From now on, I will conscientiously pursue the truth, accept all of God’s words, and understand my own deceitful nature even more deeply. I will put aside my own face and status and be a truly honest person; I will live out a true human likeness to repay God’s love.

Recommendation: The tenets of The Church of Almighty God originate from all of the truths expressed by God in His three stages of work.